DISCLAIMER – Those who haven’t gone through my previous write-up might find it difficult to understand the context of this post. So I urge you to read my previous post before proceeding further.
The one who helps you in your hour of need is your friend. The one who always has his/her ears for you is your friend. The one whom you can call at any hour of the day or night is your friend. Is it really so? What a real friend is?
Since we were children, we had this picture of
a The Friend in our mind, which leads us to disappointment when we grow up. Growing up changes everything ranging from our thoughts to our perspectives about life, career, people and even friends.
After coming back from her home, Pooja went to Snehal’s room to share the sweets she had brought. It had been ten days since that incident, and Snehal had not given it much of a thought in last few days. But the moment she saw Pooja, all her feelings of dismay and let down came flooding in, and she couldn’t resist herself to ask Pooja why she did that.
“What are you talking about Snehal?”
“How do you always find one way or the other to make me re-think about my friendship with you?”
A baffled Pooja couldn’t understand what Snehal was talking about because she had usually not paid much heed to Snehal’s emotions; a completely unintentional gesture from her side. But was Pooja really selfish? Was she really heartless?
The day came when Snehal had to deliver her speech. She went to the front of the lectern, took out the paper from her pocket to put on the wooden surface of lectern; she adjusted the mic and cleared her throat.
Good morning everybody. Today I am going to celebrate friendship with you all. A celebration in my language.
Among all our relations, friendship is the only relation which is free of obligations and restrictions; we come to realize this more and more as we enter in our young adulthood. Unlike our romantic relationship, we are not bound to meet or call our friend daily. Or unlike our family bonds, we are not bound to obey any rules (if any) created by our parents or any other family member. But friendship – it is the only bond which lets us breathe the air we want to, do what we want to. We are as free as a bird is in that open, boundary less sky.
But maybe it is this freedom only which makes us take our friendships for granted. We rarely understand the rationale behind this freedom and thus most of the times we fail; fail our friends and their expectations.
Yes, there are certain expectancy levels in a footloose relation of friendship too.
With age our expectations from our friends don’t change, but the degree of those expectations does change. We still feel that our friends should be by our side when we need their help, but now our friends help us only when we actually need help. It might seem unfortunate but that is the truth.
As we head towards the higher stages of adulthood, the meaning of friendship changes for us because our priorities change, for better or maybe for worse but these priorities – they are bound to change.
I read somewhere, maybe a survey, that in Mature friendships which are from twelve years onward, the relation becomes more about trust and support. But what I feel is as we grow up lot of more emotions like jealousy, competitiveness, envy also land in one’s friendship, and makes it more complex not in a good way. The most innocent and pure friendships are developed in childhood or younger ages and are sustained if nurtured and cherished throughout.
As you grow up, lot of external factors affect your friendship. In college, it can be scoring better than your fellows; in office it can be getting more promotions and higher appraisals than others; it can be the desire of having the same boyfriend/ girlfriend as your friend has; it can be to look prettier or smarter than your friend. I mean there are numerous bad blooded elements which can give a could-be beautiful friendship an ugly turn. Maturity has its own drawbacks.
Wherever you go, you will meet new people and so the new bonds will develop too. But don’t expect the same from them what you do expect from your friend for last eight or ten years or even childhood. In fact, don’t expect anything from your new bond because they are not even your friends yet.
It’s not only the word ‘love’ which is used way more casually but the word ‘friend’ too has lost its real meaning and is often confused with the word ‘acquaintance’.
And this, I am sure you all adults have realized by now or will realize due course.
To end up with I’d say, sometimes your friend might hurt you in the ways which even he/she is not aware of. Don’t keep it within yourself. Clear it out and you never know that he/she might turn out to be your BFF-Best Friend Forever.
Thunder of claps and a confused Snehal got down of the podium. Many of her
friends batch-mates congratulated her on making them contemplate over the word ‘Friend’.
“This was not what I had written. Only the introductory lines were mine. Where did my speech go.” Snehal started rummaging her bag when she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Pooja standing behind her with apologetic eyes, which was tough for Snehal to observe under present circumstances. Pooja hugged her. Poor Snehal couldn’t understand the curvy balls that life had been throwing at her since that morning.
Pooja realized what Snehal was talking about that day. But never did she tell Snehal that it was she who had replaced Snehal’s speech with hers. Snehal never got to hear the silent apology of Pooja which she had shouted aloud in that speech.
P.S. – It’s not impossible to sow the seeds of friendship in adulthood. But it becomes tougher to differentiate between a friend and an adversary in a friend’s veneer.
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Copyright © 2016 by Idle Muser. All rights reserved.